As a society, we raise our children with the expectation of becoming self-reliant, in hopes they will make close, loving and intimate relationships with those around them.
Instead, these are the same children who are taught very early in life, not to disclose their feelings. Children are also being taught to suppress how they feel inside, leading them to take possession of a material object to showcase their comfort. A pacifier is an example of one of the very first material objects children get attached to. This pattern of consistently giving reliance on an object makes it easier for them to find comfort in material objects.
This social insistence that is put upon our children today, is creating an epidemic of not being able to connect with themselves. Children who can’t connect at an emotional level with themselves, are unable to connect with people around them, which leads them to gain comfort in their possessions. As adults, and the constant struggling to hold emotions inside creates a fear that if they let someone inside, they could be possibly be denied as they were early in life. This is the reason why so many adults gain comfort when they buy material things, rather than gaining comfort from loving another person.
When a parent creates a healthy attachment, they will allow for a wonderful balance between separateness as well as connectedness. Healthy separateness is about creating an “indissoluble bond,” with your child that is indestructible, lasting and there’s no possible way it can be broken up. Helping your child understand that it’s okay to be alone, is one of the most important things to teach, and it’s extremely healthy for children. A parent should be non-intrusive, but respectful when their child wants to play alone. Let your child understand the capacity to learn and how to create self-enjoyment by giving them time alone with you nearby. Most importantly, be there for your child in times of need and help them feel comforted by helping them to negotiate their feelings inside.