The Sex Talk: (When, Where, How, With Whom)
The Sex Talk: Handle Your Own Insecurities.
If you’re nervous about the talk, take time before hand to work through your own personal fears and insecurities before talking with your child. Children are sensitive to the emotions behind the words we use as parents, and any fear you have will really come through. Many parents have different fears when it comes to their children’s sexuality: porn exposure, sexual pressure from their children’s peers, what’s being taught in their sex ed at school, their child’s desire to start dating at a young age, etc.
The Sex Talk: Ensure Same-Sex Input.
Dad should be talking to his sons about ‘male issues’ and Mom with girls about female only issues. There’s just some details (like periods, yeast infections or early morning testosterone surges) that only some one of the same sex can normalize and answer questions on.
The Sex Talk: Talk About Issues As They Come Up and Don’t Avoid Teachable Moments.
‘The Sex Talk’ wouldn’t exist as this watershed event that needs to be carefully planned and executed if parents just intuitively talked with their children about sex related issues, ideas, and concerns as they naturally came up. “Don’t wait to tell your child everything you know about sex during a single, intense marathon session. Doing so risks either waiting until it’s too late or dumping more in the child’s lap than he can process. Instead, information should be released gradually during many conversations over a period of several years.” Engaging in the sex talk when your child raises them keeps the communication lines open and will also alert you to any incidents of them being exposed to sexual subjects you feel they may not be mature enough to handle yet. Parenting.com agrees: “learning about sexuality is a normal part of child development, and answering your child’s questions in an honest, age-appropriate way is the best strategy.” They have a great overview of what kids can understand, by age categories.
The Sex Talk: Design Their Environment To Protect Them From Early Exposure.
Being exposed to explicit material too young is a constant threat that parents should be vigilantly aware of since the consequences can be instant and devastating. Sources could be the neighbor’s child, the internet, mature television shows (this applies even to five-year-olds watching ‘teenage’ shows), etc. Some parents may be afraid to address what happened or to explain things, but it’s almost always better to address the situation, at least just the facts. “Giving a child facts about reproduction, including details about intercourse, does not rob him of innocence. Innocence is a function of attitude, not information. A school-age child who understands the specifics of sex, while seeing it as an act that, in the proper context, both expresses love and begins new life, retains his innocence. But a child who knows very little about sex can already have a corrupt mind-set if he has been exposed to it in a degrading, mocking or abusive context.”