My Father’s Search For The Fisher King | How To Be a DadBoth men, Robin and my father Stephen, had their ashes spread over an ocean, each on an opposite side of the country. Both fought demons most of their natural existence. And both killed themselves. One used a belt. The other did it slowly over a lifetime of poor choices. I’m frustrated with them both, even now. Unreasonably so. It’s very selfish, I know. I keep expecting some new joy they could bring me, and all I have is this celluloid version of them.

New Study Finds Link Between Breastfeeding, Always Knowing What’s Right For Everyone | The OnionA study published Tuesday by researchers at Johns Hopkins University has discovered a correlation between breastfeeding and unequivocally knowing what’s best for other people at all times. “The data suggests that the simple behavior of breastfeeding one’s infant dramatically improves a woman’s ability to identify with perfect precision what’s wrong with everyone else in every situation,” reads the study, which observed thousands of nursing mothers nationwide and documented their heightened wisdom of postnatal care, publicly acceptable behavior, proper food choices, pediatric development, and countless other issues.